Decepticon Mayhem, Hosted by Duel Mistress K
by Duel Mistress K
Summary: (Armada) It's the Decepticons, it's Easter, I'm bored, you do the math. Ps: 4 is llike, so up!! Manatees, ghetto gators, and uh... STARSCREAM!!!! R&R people!!
1. Announcement of the challenge

THE DECEPTICONS GO ON AN EASTER EGG HUNT!!!

DMK: Tee-hee, I **so** wanted to do this. Anyway, I'm going to torture Megatron today... How DARE he try to kill off Screamy!!! Oh, and... YAY!!!! Smokescreen's ALIVE!!!! But there goes my kick ass ending to "A new Bot in Town"... Whatever. Back to this story... I'm going to torture Megatron and Mr. Conehead!! ^_^

Starscream: How on earth will a human like **you** do that?

DMK: ::Glare:: I'm no ordinary human... I'm the AUTHOR!!!! Fear me!!! Bwahahahahaha!!!

Starscream: ::slowly:: Riiiiigggghhhht...

DMK: And if you must know, I plan to torture Megatron and Thrust with... ::drumroll:: an... EASTER EGG HUNT!!! Muhahahahaha!!!

::Every Decepticon present (Cyclonus, Demolisher, Starscream, & Sideways) does a facevault::

Cyclonus: What kind of idea is that?!

Demolisher: Yeah, an Easter egg hunt isn't torture!

DMK: Oh, but that is where you are wrong, my dim-witted friends...-

Sideways: ::interrupts DMK:: 'Dim-witted'?!

DMK: Well, not you, Wheeljack, and Screamy.

Demolisher and Cyclonus: HEY!!!

DMK: ::loudly:: ANYWAY-

:: all the Decepticons present fall silent::

DMK: -this Egg Hunt shall be quite different. You see, the winner of this escapade shall be Decepticon-leader-for-a-day, AND get the right to maim both Megs and the Conehead.

All Decepticons: ::cheer::

Starscream: Genius!! You're not too bad for a human, Miss K.

DMK: ::grins evilly:: I know. ^_^ Now, to the rules...

RULE 1: The person with the most eggs at the end of the game wins.

RULE 2: Sabotaging and/or stealing of another's eggs is encouraged. (It makes the game more interesting, after all...)

RULE 3: Broken eggs don't count.

RULE 4: Whoever wins can use their eggs to throw at the two "targets" later.

Starscream: ::cackles:: I shall be able to egg that fool of a leader once I claim victory!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

DMK: If you win, that is...

@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@*@

Okay, there's chapter one. I want to finish this today, so whoever reads this, send some kind of feedback!!! Suggestions on who wins, events that occur, where the hunt should take place, what the winner does to Megs and Thrust, that kinda stuff. And if I chose one of your suggestions, you will be given the proper credit. PLEASE, PLEASE send feedback!!!


	2. We still haven't started

Okay... it's time for chapter two of our riveting adventure!!! Since I just posted the first chapter, and I'm still bored, I've decided to continue already. 

::Duel Mistress K is sitting on a stool, wearing the Stalker's outfit (think of that dude in G-Gundam who always opens the show), and a single spotlight is on her. dramatic voice:: Well now everyone, in the last chapter the ultimate challenge has been announced to the Decepticons. Today, the competition shall begin, and you can bet it will be fierce. ::adds in a normal voice:: What self-respecting Decepticon **wouldn't** want to humiliate Megatron and Thrust? ::returns to dramatic tone:: So, without further ado, let the competition begin! ::flings off the stalker outfit & eyepatch, revealing her normal outfit:: Let's get things started: Decepticon Easter Egg hunt all set, Ready, GO!!!!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

::Megatron and Thrust are gagged and tied up somewhere::

Megatron: Mmmfff mmm mfffmf?! (Translation: Who the hell did this to us?!)

Thrust: Mmmmm? mmfffm mfmmmfm! (Translation: What? I can't understand you!)

Megatron: Mmmmfm? (What?)

Thrust: Mmmmfm? (What?)

::their senseless blabbering continues for several minutes, then Duel Mistress K comes in, and whacks them both on the head with a fuzzy pink tennis racket, knocking them unconscious::

DMK: Oh, **do** shuttup!!

Megs: X_@

Thrust: @_@

DMK: That's better. Now, to start this madness... ::warps to where the other Decepticons are waiting (don't ask me how, she just can)::

Starscream: It's about time you showed up, I want to get this game started!!

DMK: Okay, okay! My, aren't we pushy today... Anyway, I've taken the liberty of blocking all of your warp technology-

All: WHAT?!

Cyclonus: ::whining:: Why?! What did we do to you?!

DMK: Nothing. Walking and traveling across land makes for great exercise, and I've hidden all of the eggs in... the good ol' U.S of A!!! ((it lacks originality, I know, but no one gave me suggestions, dangit!!))

Cyclonus: ::trademark whiny voice:: The U.S?! That place is huge! Why not Texas?!

Sideways: ::sweatdrop:: Texas is in the U.S, moron.

Cyclonus: Oh, I knew that...

Sideways: ::mumbles:: Not.

Demolisher: But how did you hide them there?

DMK: ::grins evilly:: I got some help from a rather, *ahem* reliable source.

((Mental Flashback ::Hotshot is standing by himself, wearing one of those sign thingys that says "WILL WORK FOR CUPCAKES"::))

((Flashes to the Present where we see Hotshot sitting in the corner of the base, munching happily on a full box of cupcakes))

Hotshot: Woohoo! Sugarhigh!!!! *o*

Starscream: More genius! You humans never cease to amaze me.

DMK: Thanks... uh, I think... And I've added another rule,

All D-cons: ::a collective groan is heard::

DMK: If you so much as hurt a single person you'll be disqualified, mmkay?

::more groaning::

DMK: It's not that bad. You can still beat the living bejesus out of each other, you know.

::groaning ceases::

Screamy: Oh, then nevermind.

DMK: Glad you agree. Also, I'm going to warp you four to different parts of the country. Feel free to move up and down the U.S as you desire, but keep in mind that you are on a time limit.

Cyclonus: Yeah, yeah, we know, let's get going!!!

DMK: I have to agree with blender-butt this time. I'm getting tired of talking with you nutcases, anyway...

Cyclonus: BLENDER-BUTT?! ::raises fist to smash DMK::

::DMK snaps her fingers and they are all instantly warped to a random part of America. Just then, Optimus walks in.::

DMK: You ARE recording this, right?

Optimus: ::nods:: Who wouldn't?

DMK: ::grins::

*************************************************************************************************

Alright, since nobody gave me suggestions as to where, they'll hunt for eggs in the US. I'll gladly take suggestions as to where in the US now ((hint, hint, that means REVIEW)) As you can see I'm really dragging this story out, but that's because I had a traumatic Easter Egg hunt in my youth ::starts to speak in a wistful tone:: ah, yes, my dreaded childhood-

Hotshot: Oh shaddap!!! Let me enjoy my cupcakes in peace!!!

DMK: ::pouty:: Hmph. **Fine**. Be that way.


	3. Earthquakes, Jaws, and Alcatraz, oh my!

HA! I'm baaaack! Hee, it took me a while to plan out this fic, but now I think I've got the swing of things. Also, I think I'll have a few Anime characters make cameos and give the D-cons hell. I'm sorry if I didn't use your suggestion, though. You can throw pennies at me until I cry or something if it makes you feel better. Oh, and I'll try to torture the D-cons, one per chapter.

@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@

SETTING: San Fransisco, California.

Sideways: Where the hell am I?! ::nearly gets hit by a cable car:: Woah!!

Cable car driver (CCD): 'EY!! Watch where the heck you're going!!

Sideways: Can you tell me where I am?

CCD: Yeah! You're in my mother fudging way!!

Sideways: Grrrrr… THAT'S IT! ::levels gun at the cable car::

[[Duel Mistress K appears out of nowhere shaking her finger in a scolding way]]

DMK: ah-ah-ah. You remember the rules, don't you?

Sideways: ::huffs:: I can't kill any people, I know…

DMK; Then don't!! Have a nice day!! ::warps away::

Sideways: that was strange…

CCD: Are you movin' or not bub?! I've got payin' customers 'ere!

Sideways: ::growls:: whatever. ::moves out of the way::

((cable car passes, but the Decepticon notices an egg sitting on the top of it))

Sideways: ::looks up to sky:: why me, Primus? WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME SO?! What did I do to deserve this?? Little human who drives the car! WAIT!! ::runs after the cable car::

((chase goes on until they reach the station at Ghiradelli square))

Sideways: *panting* Damn. I never knew those cable cars could move so fast… ::takes the egg off of the cable car:: BWAHAHAHAHA! Victory is mine!!! Soon Megatron, I shall take control! Soon my master will-

((ground starts rumbling. People begin to scream and run around in circles))

Random Dude: DUDE! Like, EARTHQUAKE!!

((a crack in the ground opens up, and a gas line is exposed, which splits open. A spark goes flying…))

Sideways: Oh, poo.

BOOM!!

Sideways: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! *takes breath* AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 

((goes flying over the Bay Bridge and the Golden Gate. Lands on an island in the middle of the San Fransisco Bay))

Sideways: X_X Owchies… Now where am I? ::sees a sign that says "Welcome to Alcatraz United States Penitentiary":: Great… ::sees another egg out on a flimsy building that's hanging over the ocean:: Ha! ::reaches out to grab it, but the old building falls apart, and he falls into the ocean.::

((Jaws Music starts playing))

Sideways: *sarcastically* Beautiful. Just beautiful.

((Jaws swims by and eats one of Sideways' eggs.))

Jaws: Yummy! Though I do prefer mine over easy…

Sideways: Oh no you don't!! ::stands up fully so that he's halfway out of the water. Grabs the shark by the tail and holds him upside down.:: _Mine! _Spit it out!

Jaws: *whimpering* B-but, I'm hungry…

Sideways: NOW!!!

Jaws: *sniffles* _fine_. ::spits out the egg:: There. Are you happy now?

Sideways: Yes, thank you. Go eat some hapless swimmer or something. They're much more filling.

Jaws: Hey! Good idea! Thanks, man! ::begins to swim off::

Sideways: Don't mention it.

Jaws: who-hoo!! Now I'm off to be evil and eat some person!

Sideways: You do that. 

((Jaws swims off, humming cheery music))

Sideways: ::climbs back onto Alcatraz:: Primus, this planet is weird.

@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@

There. Pretty uneventful chappie, but I'll have Sideways get locked up in one of the jail cells or something in a future one. If you want any cameos of characters or authors, I might put them in there, depending which D-con you want to be seen with. (no glomping and/or beating up… that's my job ^_^)

****

Preview of next chapter: what do manatees, alligators, and swamps have in common? Starscream, of course! Stay tuned for more chaos as "Decepticon Mayhem" continues!


	4. It's short, but it has SCREAMY!

DMK: Wheee, I'm on a roll now. This chapter is about- you guessed it- SCREAMY!! Okay, I know the Sideways one sucked, but I wrote it to get me back into the mood. Thank you to Inoria Nackatori, Space Toaster, tomb king, and Tigerseye, the ONLY people that were nice enough to leave me a review.

Hotshot: That's a shock.

DMK: Whaddya mean by that?

Hotshot: *meekly* Nothing.

DMK: Good. Now, I need someone to say the disclaimer… I know! ::claps hands:: Oh, BLURR!! Be a sweetie and say the disclaimer for me, please?

::Enter **G1** Blurr::

Blurr: ::nods:: ItwouldbemypleasuretosayitDuelMistressKDMKdoesn'townanyoftheTransformersfromArmadasheonlyownstheplotandtheeventsthatoccurinthisficSodon'tsueherplease.

Hotshot: That was… strange… 0_0

DMK: Thank you! ^_^

Blurr: Don'tmentionit. ::leaves::

DMK: Now that that's done, let's continue!

@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@

Setting: The Everglades, Florida

Starscream: ::rubs head:: Uhnnn… where am I?

Manatee #1: Dude, you're like, in my house.

Starscream: AHHHH! It speaks!!

Manatee #2: Sweet! He's like, a big metal dude!!

Starscream: AHHHH! Another one?!

Manatee #1: Dude, we like, live here.

Starscream: Where is 'here'?

Both Manatees: Florida, dude!

Starscream: Oh, okay. Well, have you seen any eggs around here?

Manatee #1: Dude, like, why are you looking for eggs?

Starscream: A demented author sent my friends and I on an Easter egg hunt.

Both Manatees: TUBULAR!!! LIKE, EGG HUNTS RULE!!!

Starscream: And whomever wins get to be the leader for a day.

Manatee #1: DUDE!

Manatee #2: SWEET!!

Manatee #1: DUDE!!

Manatee #2: SWEET!!

Starscream: ::smacks his forehead:: This is getting me nowhere… ::leaves the two Manatees to babble on::

((HALF AN HOUR LATER…))

Starscream: ::sighs:: It's official, I'm LOST!!!

((something catches the corner of his optic. He turns and sees an Easter Egg, siting on a peculiar mound…))

SS: Whahahahaha!! I've found one!! ::reaches down to pick it up…::

CHOMP!!!

Screamer: OWWWWWWW!!!! ::hops around, nursing his hand, little Anime tears in the corners of his optics::

Gator: *ghetto voice* That's what you get fo' messin' wit mah eggs, foo!! {{A/N: I am NOT making fun of any type of nationalities here. I just wanted to make that clear…}}

Starscream: ::sniffles:: B- but… that vividly colored egg over there isn't yours…

Gator: Awwwww, yeah… Go ahead honey, take that ugly thang! 'S been crampin' mah style evah since a big yellah dude put it there.

Starscream: Oh… *clearly confused* thank you. ::takes the egg::

Gator: Don' mention it sweetie, ya'll have fun now with that egg hunt all ya'lls got goin' on!!

Starscream: I will. Say… did you by any chance see any more of these?

Gator: Check wit mah homey a couple swamps down… I tink she has one a couple a' those eggs lyin' around.

Starscream: Thank you again. Now I'd best be off.

Gator: See yah! ::crawls back into the swamp::

Starscream: ::shakes his head in disbelief:: Earth is definitely… unique… ::starts to walk, but gets stuck in the mud:: Agggh!!

((Starscream pulls his feet out of the sludge and continues walking. After about five minutes of trying to move, he smacks his forehead again))

Starscream: Oh, am I a fool! I could just-- ::jumps into the air:: TRANSFORM!!!

((unfortunately, he fails, and lands face-first in the mud.))

Starscream: WHAT?! ::tries again:: TRANSFORM!!!

SPLASH!!

Starscream: NO! This isn't fair!! TRANSFORM!!!

SPLASH!!! ((AGAIN…))

((suddenly, SS's comlink starts to beep. He answers it))

Starscream: Hello?

DMK: Hey Screamy!!! 

SS: What do _you_ want?

DMK: Oh, I uh, forgot to mention one teensy-weensy little thing…

SS: *annoyed* WHAT?!

DMK: I, uh…. Blockedallofyourtransformationabilitiestomakeitmorefun.

SS: You WHAT?! 

DMK; *quickly* Hahaha, funny huh? See ya later Screamy!!

Screamer: Why you-!!! ((transmission cuts out)) ::sighs:: why ME? What on Cybertron have I done to anger the Gods so? ::hangs head for a moment, then perks back up:: It matters not! For I am Starscream, the most powerful and smart and good-looking Decepticon in the universe!!! Hahahahaha!!! *cough, cough* ((is choking on some of the mud he swallowed when he landed face-down)) *cough, hack* Hahahahaha!!!

@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@*~*@

tomb king: HEY! You didn't put me in the story!!!

DMK: That's because yer goin' to Eskimo Land!!!

TK: So I have to wait until next time??

DMK: Yup!! ^_^ **Preview of next chapter**: Get out your parkas, people! Blender-Butt's goin' to Alaska!!!

Hotshot: HA!! That sounds great! I'll be there!!

DMK: But I need to have at least 5, that's right, countem **_5_** reviews in order to continue!! That's why this chapter was so short, cuz hardly ANYBODY reviewed it!!!

Hotshot and tomb king: SO REVIEW!!!!

DMK: And anyone who is interested, PLEASE check out my bio: I have several story Ideas in the making and I would like some feedback. Please EMAIL me for suggestions though.


End file.
